Are you struggling with husband and wife problems? Do you want to learn how to resolve conflicts and rekindle love in your marriage? If so, this article is for you. You will discover the common causes of marital issues, the types and impacts of affairs, and the steps to take to heal and restore your relationship
Husband-and-wife problems are common in many marriages, and they can affect the well-being and happiness of both partners. All marriages have challenges, but the difference is in how the parties choose to address the issues. In some families, children have confessed to having never seen their parents quarrel until adulthood. Yet, in others, conflict is an everyday dose.
According to a study by the American Psychological Association, about 40% to 50% of married couples in the US end in divorce. This number could be even higher since it only accounts for reported cases. Many marriages end in silence.
Some of the most common marriage problems include infidelity, money issues, and a lack of or poor communication. In this article, we will explore some of the causes and solutions for these problems and how you can improve your relationship with your spouse.
What are common marriage problems?
1 Infidelity
This has been described as one of the most serious and painful problems that can occur in a marriage. It involves cheating on your spouse with another person, either physically or emotionally.
Boredom, dissatisfaction, a lack of intimacy, or resentment are some of the reasons why people cheat in relationships.
According to Instyle, other reasons include:
1. Sex addiction
2. Bad boundaries with people outside the relationship
3. Making assumptions about relationship status
4. Unresolved childhood issues
5. Anger
6. Need for Variety
7. Lack of love
8. Low esteem
9. Situations like drug abuse or drunkenness
Solution
- Here, you need to address the root cause of the problem and work on rebuilding trust and intimacy.
- Seek professional help from a counsellor or relationship therapist like Mugwenu Doctors, elders, or trusted religious leaders.
- Be honest, transparent, and respectful with each other, and avoid blaming or shaming.
- You also need to set some boundaries and rules for your relationship, such as limiting contact with the affair partner.
- VeryWellMind suggests keeping kids out of it, accepting the feeling and not seeking revenge.
2 Money issues
This is another common source of conflict and stress in a marriage. It involves disagreements or disputes over how to manage finances.
Things like spending, saving, budgeting, or investing.
Some couples do it together, while in other setups, the man’s money is the family’s while the woman’s cash belongs to her alone.
Factors that can contribute to money problems in marriages include:
- Different values
- Different goals
- Different habits
- Varied expectations,
- Income inequality
- Debt
- Financial insecurity
Solution
- You need to communicate openly and honestly about your financial situation and needs.
- You also need to compromise and collaborate on creating a realistic and fair budget. It is important to plan for your future.
- Seek advice from a financial planner or counsellor if you have difficulty managing money or resolving your problems.
3 Lack of communication
This is one of the most fundamental and widespread problems in marriages. It just means not being able to express your thoughts, feelings, opinions or needs to your partner or not listening or understanding what the other party is expressing.
Some of the signs of poor communication in marriage are:
- Acting defensively
- Not listening
- Arguing
- Criticizing
- Stonewalling, which means a persistent refusal to communicate or express emotions
- You start avoiding each other
- Not recognizing one another’s input
Solution
- If you and your spouse have communication problems, you need to improve your skills and habits of talking and listening to each other
- You also need to be respectful, empathetic, and supportive of each other
- Avoid negative or hurtful language.
Practise some techniques such as active listening, assertive speaking
4 Parenting conflicts
This means having different views or styles of raising children, such as discipline, education, or values. It may also include cases where a pair has not agreed on whether to have children or not or how many kids they want children.
Causes of parenting conflicts
- Extreme poverty, which dehumanizes
- Too much wealth may spoil some children; they will want to do whatever they want
- Causes of parenting conflicts include:
- Cultural or generational differences
- Personal experiences
- External influences – from other families or cultures
Solution
- Respect and appreciate different viewpoints
- Cooperate to create consistent and reasonable rules for the children
- Reach out to a parenting expert in case you have difficulty finding a middle ground
What are some other marriage problems?
5 Values and beliefs:
Married people can have different views on religion, politics, or ethics. These topics are hot and may easily cause a flare in tempers.
The most common in this category is couples who marry but subscribe to different religions, and each party wants to maintain their beliefs.
This trickles down into conflict of how to raise kids, and which church religion or culture they will follow.
Solution
- Respect each other’s opinions and try to find common ground.
- Agree to disagree on some issues and avoid forcing your views on your partner.
- Before committing to someone, discuss all these issues, especially if you come from different cultures and, or religious backgrounds.
6 Life stages
Couples may undergo different phases of life, and this can change the relationship dynamics and expectations.
Solution: Seek support and communicate
7 Traumatic situations
Traumatic experiences like PTSD can cause emotional distress, depression, and anxiety.
Solution: Go for therapy or counselling, be compassionate and patient, and find healthy ways to cope and heal.
8 Stress
Stress can stem from various sources and it interferes with mood, behaviour, and intimacy.
Solution: Manage stress by taking up hobbies, practising self-care, relaxation, meditation, yoga and also start an exercise routine.
Ask for support when it is too much, and avoid putting stress on your partner or blaming them.
9 Boredom
This can arise after a long time of being together.
Solution: Spice up the relationship. You can do this by trying new things and surprising each other. This helps in rekindling passion.
How to spice up a dull marriage?
- Prioritise Quality Time: Dedicate time each day or week to connect with your better half. Ensure there are no distractions. Cook together, play games, cuddle, and watch a movie. This cements the bond.
- Reignite Communication: Have open and honest communication. Make time for regular conversations, not just about daily routines or chores, but about your thoughts, feelings, and dreams.
- Rediscover Physical Intimacy: Make an effort to hold hands, hug, and kiss from time to time. Physical touch is essential for maintaining intimacy and passion. This can be shown through massage, cuddling and playful gestures.
- Introduce Novelty and Excitement: Get new activities and experiences into your relationship. Participate in a dance class together, check out and eat in new restaurants, or plan a weekend getaway. This creates lasting memories and keeps the spark of love.
- Practice Acts of Kindness: Surprise your spouse with breakfast in bed, leave a love note as you head out, or offer to help with their chores. This demonstrates that you care.
- Reawaken Shared Passions: Reflect on the activities and interests that drew you together initially. Revisit those hobbies or shared passions that ignited your connection They have the capacity to bring back the excitement of your early relationship.
- Express Gratitude and Appreciation: Express your gratitude for your partner’s presence in your life regularly. Acknowledge their contributions, both big and small. Let them know how much you appreciate their love, presence and support.
- Seek Professional Help if Needed: Seeking professional guidance can be highly beneficial. This route is not exclusive to serious cases. Even the cases perceived as small can be taken to a therapist. They can provide a safe space to explore underlying issues and strengthen your relationship by improving communication.
Is it normal to have disagreements in a marriage?
Yes, it is normal to have disagreements in a marriage. Marriage.com posits that conflict is inevitable and healthy in a relationship as long as it is handled well.
However, not all disagreements are the same. The issues we addressed above, for example, infidelity, money problems and toxic in-laws, can cause resentment, frustration, and dissatisfaction if they are not addressed properly.
It is, therefore important to learn some conflict resolution tips for couples, such as:
- Listen actively and empathetically to your partner’s views without interrupting and judging them.
- Find a solution that works for both of you, rather than trying to win the argument or prove your point.
- Be willing to compromise and make concessions as long as they do not violate your core values or boundaries.
- Apologise sincerely when you have hurt your partner, and be ready to forgive.
- Seek professional help if you are unable to resolve your conflicts on your own, as advised by Psychcentral.
- Express your feelings and needs clearly and respectfully, and avoid blame game.
- Understand underlying emotions and values behind each other’s positions.
Note: Disagreements in a marriage do not show that it is a failed venture failure but an opportunity to grow. They also provide a clean slate to learn and strengthen your bond.
Through resolving conflict, couples can enhance intimacy, trust, and happiness in marriage.
Can therapy help with husband and wife problems?
Therapy can help with husband and wife problems in many ways, and very many people have benefited and renewed the love in their houses.
Therapy, also known as counselling, is a type of professional help that focuses on improving relationships.
According to Verywellmind, working with a therapist helps restore communication, improve interactions, and resolve conflicts.
Common problems that therapy can help address are:
- Communication
- Money
- Childcare
- Barrenness
- Stress
- Management of time
- Communication
- Drug abuse
- Trauma
- Sexual compatibility
These problems can cause tension, resentment, and dissatisfaction in a marriage if they are not addressed properly.
If you are interested in therapy, you can find a qualified therapist online or in person. You can search for therapists who specialise in relationship issues like Mugwenu Doctors and have experience and training in the type of therapy that suits your needs.
Can a marriage survive after an affair?
A cheating affair can be a devastating blow to a marriage. However, it does not necessarily mean the end of the relationship.
According to some sources like Mayo Clinic, about 50% of marriages that experience infidelity survive. The remaining end in separation of divorce.
However, it is unimportant to note that surviving an affair is not easy, and it requires a lot of effort, courage, and forgiveness from both partners.
Factors that influence whether a marriage will survive after a cheating affair or not are as listed:
- How the affair was discovered: Was it confessed, did the cheater get caught, or did the other party just find out or was it brought to light by a third party? The way the affair is discovered will affect the level of trust, anger, and hurt that the couple feels. Some people believe confessing is better than being caught, as it shows some remorse and honesty.
- Response to the affair. The reaction to the affair can determine whether they can be saved or not. Some couples may decide to ignore the affair and pretend it never happened, while others may take it head on and try to work through it. Ignoring may lead to more bitterness while confronting it can lead to healing and reconciliation. However, confronting the affair requires some level of care such as avoiding going into the intimate details. It may also need the attention of a professional and giving each other space.
- Reason for cheating. Some affairs happen due to a lack of affection, communication, or intimacy in the marriage, while others take place because of personal issues, such as low self-esteem, addiction, or fear of intimacy. Therefore, understanding the root cause of the affair can help the couple address the underlying problems and prevent them from happening again.
- Type and duration of the affair. Some affairs are more damaging than others, depending on whether they were physical, emotional, or both and how long they lasted. In most cases the longer and deeper the affair, the harder it is to recover from it.
- Level of commitment to the marriage. The willingness and desire of both partners to stay together and rebuild is what matters. If one or both partners have lost their love, respect, or trust, it means they won’t forgive and forget and so, the union will not survive. However, if both partners still love each other, and value their marriage, and are willing to work hard to restore it then this relationship can be salvaged.
The key takeaway here is, that a marriage can survive after infidelity, but it depends on many factors and the choices that the couple opts for.
It is not a simple or quick process, but it is possible with the right attitude, support, and guidance.
What are the signs of a failing marriage?
- You have different values or beliefs and you don’t respect or support each other’s choices.
- There is poor communication and you don’t listen or understand each other.
- You avoid spending time together, and you have different interests or goals.
- You cannot see any good in your partner.
- Your partner makes you feel bad about yourself.
- There are arguments or conflicts that are not resolved.
- Trust issues and you suspect or know that your partner is cheating.
- Always criticising each other in a hostile way.
- Lack of intimacy and feeling emotionally or physically distant.
- You can’t let the past go and you keep holding grudges.
If you notice any of these signs in your marriage, it may be time to seek professional help or consider other options. A marriage therapist can help you identify the root causes of your problems and work on improving your relationship.
However, if you or your partner are not willing to change or compromise, or if there is abuse or violence in your marriage, it may be better to end the relationship.
Tips for maintaining a healthy work-life balance in marriage?
Maintaining a healthy work-life balance in marriage can be challenging, but it is possible with planning and communication. Here are some tips to help you achieve it:
- Set clear and realistic expectations with your partner and your employer. Discuss your priorities, goals, and needs, and how you can support each other. Be flexible and willing to compromise when necessary.
- Schedule quality time with your spouse and stick to it. Whether it is a date night, a weekend getaway, or a simple conversation, make sure you spend some uninterrupted time with your partner regularly.
- Create boundaries between your work and your personal life. Avoid checking your emails or taking work calls when you are with your family. Respect your partner’s work hours and do not disturb them unless it is urgent. Learn to say no to extra work or social obligations that interfere with your family time.
- Take care of yourself and your well-being. Eat well, exercise, sleep enough, and manage your stress by finding hobbies.
- Seek help when you need it. If you are feeling overwhelmed, burned out, or unhappy, do not hesitate to reach out to your partner, your friends, your family, or a professional. You are not alone, and there are people who can help you cope and find solutions.
What are the effects of infidelity on a marriage?
These are some of the effects of infidelity on a marriage. They can be long-lasting and hard to overcome, but not impossible.
- Trust issues will erupt
- Low self-esteem
- Emotional instability and even trauma
- Relationship problems
Conclusion
From the above discussion, we can conclude by saying husband and wife problems are normal in relationships and depending on how they are handled, they can contribute positively and even serve as a learning slate for couples.
If you have relationship or marriage issues, know you are not alone. Communication, emphatic listening and speaking out freely are some of the tips you can deploy to shoot down the temperatures.
Above all, contact a specialist whenever you have issues, do not wait for them to snowball out of control. The earlier is always the better.
Contact Mugwenu Doctors
Email: mugwenudoctors@gmail.com
Website: www.mugwenudoctors.com
Phone – +254740637248
